I actually took this picture! It was at
my behavioral assessment needed for
the prepostulancy application!

I believe highly in thanking someone when they've done something incredible for me. And next Sunday, I'll be able to thank personally a Sister that has helped me, guided me, and served me so amazingly on this road to pre-postulancy (she's at the beach vacationing it up right now). It may not seem like a big deal to start pre-postulancy, but it is for me, it's a VERY big deal...because it's the beginning of the road to my true vocation, what I've been searching for for years.

Usually, when I write about specific Sisters, the impact they've had on my life and their dedication to the charism of the Daughters of Charity, it's on Sister Denise's blog. Today is different...because today, I want to talk about the author of that blog - Sister Denise LaRock.

I first met Sister Denise in 2004, on my first discernment retreat. She was not then vocations director yet, just a Sister that accompanied us on the retreat. It was there, with her help, that I was shown the humanity of Sisters. And the hilarity of Sisters. Namely her, who has a dry sarcastic sense of humor that always makes me crack up.

We wouldn't meet again for another six years, when I decided to contact the Daughters of Charity again after living in Bolivia, and it would actually take a few months before we realized that we had met before! When I emailed her about my renewed interest, Sister Denise invited me to her house for prayers and dinner. I, although sort of admittedly scared, agreed. After that night, while the prayer life, down-to-earth-ness, and mission of the Daughters attracted me, what really struck me was something Sr. Denise did. Soon after I accepted the invitation to come over for prayers/dinner, she asked "I usually serve at a soup kitchen Thursday nights before dinner. Want to come?" So, I accepted that invitation too. In the basement of that church, we served the Baltimore homeless dinner and I watched as she did more than serve - she sat and talked with the homeless, asked them how their day was going, how the kids were doing in school, etc.

On the car ride back, she told me that that particular soup kitchen wasn't run by the Daughters and she added "I love being vocations director and it's an important job but, at the same time, it doesn't allow me a lot of service with the poor. So I go there when I can" That night began a great attraction to the Daughters for me and it was that simple comment and act that meant more than anything. I saw that Sister Denise didn't serve the poor out of pure obligation to the mission of her religious community but rather it was something she wanted to do. By her example, I saw how devoted the Daughters of Charity were to the poor. I had seen it before in Sr Mary Elko in Bolivia but it was Sister Denise who showed me that the Daughters of Charity was not an institution, but rather a group of individuals completely on fire with love for the poor.

I obviously continued in my interest in the Daughters of Charity. And Sister Denise was one of the best vocations director a person could ask for. She was so completely down-to-earth; I felt like I could ask her anything (and I mean anything) and she would give me a clear-cut answer. She would take time out of her schedule to set up visits or meet at McDonald's or Double T to talk or choose books for me to read. To my shock, she was completely okay with me emailing her a gazillion times in the day with questions or reflections or anything really that popped in my head. And I never felt pressured into anything, I never felt like I was being "recruited". When the time would come, Sr Denise would just say "Well, here's what we could do next. What do you think?"

It was true that I was scared to contact Sister Denise at first. Partially because I had been in another community before and I didn't know what the Daughters would think of that, partially because I was afraid to contact a vocations director (it's usually scary to share these private thoughts with someone you don't know!) I know this fear is an issue with most discerners - at least it was for me. I wrote this post to thank Sister Denise and show the world her awesomeness but also a message - if you're discerning, don't be afraid to contact the vocations director of whatever community you might be interested in. Even if you later find out it's not for you, you won't regret contacting them. Believe me.

And if you're thinking about the Daughters of Charity, don't be afraid to contact Sr Denise because...well, she's awesome.

Coincidence? I think not.

I read somewhere “a coincidence is just God's way of performing a miracle anonymously” I then posted it on my FB because it just seemed to fit perfectly in my discernment journey.

For the record, this has always bothered me
about alien movies...
(And no, this isn't the same type of coincidence
I'm talking about)

June Council, where the Daughters decide on my case, is only 18 days away. And I can't help but reflect on what's led me to here because, a year ago, I would have never imagined myself here.

So what has led me here? 

Coincidences.

I'm completely serious. I've known the Daughters since 2004, but since I went to college in the same town as their Provincial House, that's really no coincidence. The coincidences would happen much later. A year after finishing college, I entered a Salesian community (I won't say their name so they keep their privacy but they were a member of the Salesian family) About a month in, I started to feel as if maybe I had made a mistake. I started having major doubts. As I scribbled these feelings down furiously in my journal, I wrote once “Maybe this isn't for me. Maybe this aspirancy is actually preparation for another. Maybe I should join the Daughters of Charity. I've always liked them” But I stayed and continued to deal with these rough feelings of doubt and confusion.

A few months after writing that sentence in my journal, I met a Daughter of Charity...almost completely by accident. Us aspirants mainly stayed in the convent and the only other Sisters outside of our community that we would meet would be other Sisters in the Salesian family. But Sr. Mary Elko, a Daughter of Charity, just showed up at the door of the convent one day to drop off two girls for the orphanage but also visit with the Sisters. At first, I wondered what community she was from - her beige (missionary) habit threw me off because all Daughters I knew wore blue. But soon, once she told me she was a Daughter of Charity, we had long enthusiastic conversations about Emmitsburg and Sisters we maybe both knew.

Looking back, it just seems like a coincidence that Sr Mary Elko would show up at our door, precisely at the rough time of my vocation crisis, as I had fleeting thoughts about joining her community.

The other coincidence would be years later. After leaving the aspirancy, thoughts of being a religious came and went again and again. As I lived in Bolivia for another year, thoughts of being a religious would come back every now and then, never quite leaving me alone. I never saw Sr Mary Elko again simply because life was too busy to do so. I moved back to the United States after two years of living in Bolivia. It wasn't until I visited Bolivia a year later after the move, this past summer, that the second big coincidence happened.

After coming back from my visit, I felt an immense tug to start investigating religious life again. I knew I couldn't ignore it anymore. And, even though I hadn't talked to them in years, I knew I had to get in contact with the Daughters of Charity. I had no desire to contact any other community. I'm not ashamed to admit that I was scared to because I had no idea how they would react to me formerly being an aspirant of another community. Problem is so many years had passed that I had no idea who the vocation director was. So I, who throws nothing away, searched my Gmail and found an email from Sr. Denise, introducing herself as the new vocation director. An email from 2007. And this was July 2010. But I thought “well, why not?” so I replied to it.

Not only was Sr. Denise shocked that I had replied to an email from 2007 but she shared with me that I had perfect timing...because, for the past year, she had been in Chicago studying...and she had literally just now returned to vocation work. (On another note, we later found out that Sr Denise was actually one of the first Daughters I ever met...she was one of the Sisters on my first discernment retreat) And that is where the story that led me to applying for pre-postulancy begins - visits to different houses, retreats,  etc. 

I often wonder that if Sr. Denise were no longer the vocation director, would I have had the guts to "try again" and email whoever was the current vocations director? 

If I hadn't met Sr Mary Elko in Bolivia, would I still have been haunted by the thought of being a Daughter of Charity or would I have eventually forgotten about it?

I like to think that these "coincidences" were actually God working "anonymously", showing His immense love by trying to lead me to find His will for me, find my ultimate joy and where I'm free to be myself, where I'm meant to be. 

Obviously, some coincidences are just unimportant coincidences, but I invite to look back in your life and reflect..."which coincidences were actually God working anonymously for me?" And I'm sure you'll find more than a few.